Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I feel like my life has come to a halt. A dead stop. I am realizing that so many of the things I wanted to do in my life I will never get to do. Seems like all I'm living on these days is misery. Am I supposed to make the best of a life that will always just be a little bit worse? Or do I cut and run? My life is all-singing, all-dancing. It is a facade.
Posted at 11:41 am by Of the Flock
Monday, March 13, 2006
"For we must never forget what is the most repellent and inexplicable trait in our Enemy; He really loves the hairless bipeds He has created and always gives back to them with His right hand what He has taken away with His left." ~ from The Screwtape Letters
"You will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. But do remember, the only thing that matters is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one--the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts." ~ from The Screwtape Letters
"A woman means by Unselfishness chiefly taking trouble for others; a man means not giving trouble to others." ~ from The Screwtape Letters
"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies i a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased." ~ from The Weight of Glory
Screwtape reveals a powerful tool for distraction: "What we want, if men become Christians at all, is to keep them in the state of mind I call 'Christianity And'. You know--Chrisianity and the Crisis, Christianity and the New Psychology, Christianity and the New Order, Christianity and Faith Healing, Christianity and Psychical Research, Christianity and Vegetarianism, Christianity and Spelling Reform. If they must be Christians let them at least be Christians with a difference. Substitute for the faith itself some Fashion with a Christian coloring. Work on their horror of the Same Old Thing. The horror of the Same Old Thing is one of the most valuable passions we have produced in the human heart--an endless source of heresies in religion, folly in counsel, infidelity in marriage, and inconstancy in friendship. The humans live in time, and experience reality successively. To experience much of it, therefore, they must experience many different things; in other words, they must experience change. And since they need change, the Enemy (being a hedonist at heart) has made change pleasurable to them, just as He has made eating pleasurable. But since he does not wish them to make change, any more than eating, an end in itself, He has balance the love of change in them by a love of permanence. He has contrived to gratify both tastes together in the very world He has made, by that union of change and permanence which we call Rhythm. He gives them the seasons, each season different yet every year the same, so that spring is always felt as a novelty yet always as the recurrence of an immemorial theme. He gives them in His church a spiritual year; they change from a fast to a feast, but it is the same feast as before." ~ from The Screwtape Letters
"The pleasure of novelty is by its very nature more subject than any other to the law of diminishing returns." ~ from The Screwtape Letters
"...it is just the people who are ready to submit to the loss of the thrill and settle down to the sober interest, who are then most likely to meet new thrills in some quite different direction...This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go--let it die away--go on throught that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow--and you wil lfind you are living in a world of new thrills all the time...It is because so few people understand this that you find many middle-aged men and women maundering about their lost youth, at the very age when new horizons ought to be appearing and new doors opening all round them. It is much better fun to learn to swim than to go on endlessly (and hopelessly) trying to get back the feeling you had when you first went paddling as a small boy." ~ from Mere Christianity
"Men are not angered by mere misfortune but by misfortune conceived as injury. And the sense of injury depends on the feeling that a legitimate claim has been denied...You must therefore zealously guard in his mind the curious assumption 'My time is my own'. Let him have the feeling that he starts each day as the lawful possessor of twenty-four hours. Let him feel as a grievous tax that portion of this property which he has to make over to his employers, and as a generous donation that further portion which he allows to religious duties. But what he must never be permitted to doubt is that the total from which these deductions have been made was, in some mysterious sense, his own personal birthright." ~ from The Screwtape Letters
'Oh, of course. I'm wrong. Everything I say or do is wrong, according to you.'
'But of course!' said the Spirit, shining with love and mirth so that my eyes were dazzled. 'That's what we all find when we reach this country. We've all been wrong! That's the great joke. There's no need to go on pretending one was right! After that we begin living.' ~ from The Great Divorce
Posted at 07:04 am by Of the Flock
Friday, March 10, 2006
Oh Lord my heart is not lifted up
My eyes are not raised to high for Thee
I do not think on things to great or marvelous
Or matters too difficult for me
But I have calmed and quieted my soul
Like a weaned child is my soul within me
I have calmed and quieted my soul
Like a weaned child with its mother is my soul within me
O Israel trust in the Lord
From this time forth and forevermore
O Israel trust in the Lord
From this time forth and forevermore
Posted at 06:39 am by Of the Flock
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Lord, our prayer this morning is that you would come. Come and inhabit the praises of your people today, oh God. We know that you are coming one day, and ultimately we are going to see you face to face, Lord. But while we wait on that time, Father we realize that you’re going to come to us, either in judgment because of your desire for us, or in mercy because of our desire for you. So God we pray that you would come in mercy today because you find a heart in your people that is crying out for you, Lord, and you are going to answer that cry with mercy, oh God. Our prayer, oh Lord, is that you would not come in judgment because peoples hearts are cold and your desire for them is so great, Lord, that you’re going to come to us one way or another—mercy or judgment. God let our hearts burn for you so that you’ll come to your people in mercy today, oh God.
I cry out to God for his mercy in this house today. I cry out to God for mercy upon this land. I pray to be a child of God this morning and turn from wickedness and turn to the heart of the Father and cry out for mercy. He’s coming—He IS coming. He’s coming in glory, and every eye will behold Him and every knee is going to bow and every tongue will confess that he is God, King of Kings and Lord of Glory. He’s coming for the church. I cry out for mercy—mercy, oh God.
Posted at 06:30 am by Of the Flock
Monday, December 05, 2005
It is the simplest of things that amaze me, yet it is the most complex of forces that causes each to be: the turning of a leaf; the kindling of a star; the clumsy walk of a cow; the morning mist rising above the mountains. It seems to me this world was given with a meticulous purpose for mystery and bewilderment. This day and age, the artistry of life is all but forgotten in the busy hum of our own life tune. Where have we turned, that we can no longer see the forest for the trees? All you have to do is find a tree; when you've got enough trees, you have a forest. Then you've got it. Trees last, taproot and bark, but they do not lie awake to know the burgeoning force, wholly intricate, that is the basis for its budding. Dylan Thomas wrote, "The force that through the green fuse drives the flower / Drives my green age." No, it is not the thing itself that so astonishes; rather, it is the imagination behind the creation of it all.
Posted at 11:36 am by Of the Flock
Saturday, November 05, 2005
I just truly don't understand people's mindsets.
This woman came in because her voicemail wasn't working. The reason is she had the wrong voicemail number in her phone. She said that her husband tried to call and it wouldn't work and he got really
It just makes no sense. I can't figure it out. Why on earth would you get so mad over something so stupid? It's easily fixed. No big deal. Heaven forbid her voicemail didn't work for .25 seconds. She's the one who changed the voicemail number! It is truly the stupidest things people get mad over. They come into the store in a rage because their phone turned off by itself once, but then it's worked fine ever since, and they want to know why. HOW WOULD I KNOW? I am a sales rep, not a technician. Why do computers freeze up? I have no clue. But I don't run to dell and scream at them every time the computer freezes or gets a pop-up. Nor do I run to America Online or whoever my internet provider is. The way I try to explain it to people is, if your TV breaks and you can't use your cable, do you call Charter and demand that they replace your TV? No. People get so mad that the warranty service will charge them the full price for a phone if they find out it was customer inflicted damage (ex: water damage, cracked screens, etc). They get mad at Cingular, but what I try to explain to them is it's a manufacturer warranty. Cingular gives them a new phone out of the goodness of their hearts--otherwise, the manufacturer would just say "tough luck, you're without a phone for 4-6 weeks". People think it's so ridiculous, but the thing is, all warranties are like that--electronics, stoves, microwaves, whatever. People's ignorance drives me up the wall sometime. They work themselves into such a frenzy that they won't listen to anything you have to say. You could tell them the earth is round and they would tell you it was square just to disagree with you. I just do not understand letting yourself get so mad about such little things. People around here must have crazy-mad blood pressure. I really try to remember to pray for them.
I went and saw Jarhead last night...I could easily describe it as a great movie, and I could easily describe it as a bad movie. It was definitely funny, great visually, cinematography was great as well...but aside from the language and violence, its really sexually explicit. I mean, its practically porn. Just don't take your children or teenagers to see it; its rated R for a reason.
Mal and I are going to church tonight, then are going to rent shaun of the dead and cook dinner after church. shaun of the dead is the greatest.
it has been a freakin zoo in here today. PISS OFF ANGRY PEOPLE! i feel like hanging out and goofing off today. so sod off.
i miss my sister. it's been a week since she left and i can't stand it. i hope she comes home to visit soon. i ache to see hailey, and to hold her.
i got my brother a coleman party cooler for his birthday...check it out: Coleman Party Cooler
welp, im getting off of here to go help randi and roger work...later days kiddos
Posted at 10:13 am by Of the Flock
Friday, November 04, 2005
I am not here just to see a phenomenon
I am not here for experiential bliss
I simply come to the feet of the God I serve,
The one that I love
I am not here for the sake of the people’s praise
I have not come to see the thunder and rain
I simply come into courts of the King above
The one that I Praise
I want to find the way to his chambers
I want to be in the presence of the Lord
I am in need of his mercy and favor
I am not here for the sake of a miracle
I am not here just to see the dead raised
Yes I believe in power supernatural
But that’s not way I'm saved
I’ve had enough of this life of a Pharisee
I want to know this Jesus who’s been loving me
I’m running into the temple just to see
The one that I love
I want to find the way to his chambers
I want to be in the presence of the Lord
I am in need of his mercy and favor
I give my heart to the one they call Jesus
Seeking out first the very kingdom of God
You are the way and the truth I believe it
You are my phenomenon
You can move mountains whenever you want to
You can speak to the sea whenever it pleases you
Forgive me oh Lord if I’ve been a market place
Turn me upside down so I will seek your face
And if your presence comes into this place
So will the thunder and rain
Rita Springer is a great lyricist. I love the line "Forgive me oh Lord if I've been a market place/Turn me upside down so I will seek your face"
Posted at 08:59 am by Of the Flock
Lets see...I haven't got to update in a while. I suppose I'll start with this past weekend. I have some pics to share!
Friday night me, mal, and chris went to the mall, then to eat with diane, stephanie, and mary ann at wasabi. there we met a CIA agent (i swear, me and mal KNOW he's not really the VP for alcoa energy). After that, we met up with micah and went bowling. It was uber fun! I saw a bunch of people I went to high school with, which was pretty wild. My first time up to bowl, I somehow missed my lane and tossed my bowling ball into the lane to the left of us, and got a gutter ball on the left gutter. The people next to us kept teasing me, it was so funny! But then I bowled like 3 strikes and won the first round. Anyway, here are some really dark pictures of us bowling:
Me and Micah the Cox
Chris Farmer bowling like a pro
Mal bowling like a...well, I wouldn't say pro...
Micah, what a champ!
Ok, me and mal went shopping on saturday--spent way too much money. Then went back to my house, made chicken diapers (shredded chicken, cream cheese, & seasoning baked in croissants) and watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Pretty ok movie--definitely some good looking guys in it. We've decided we must now go to Greece! Sunday was church, then me and Aaron went to lunch with Mal, Donna, Chris and Linda at Conners. MMM it was good. Then me and Aaron went back to my house to get my stuff, then went to walmart and kroger to get him a halloween costume. we didnt find much of anything, so we went with total randomity. When we were in walmart, I couldn't stop laughing. I think the pictures are pretty self-explanatory...
his thong says "major babe" ahhahahaha!
Posted at 08:19 am by Of the Flock
Monday, October 17, 2005
So it's a funny thing...here lately I've been trying a lot harder at things I do. I was doing some thinking, and realized that I'm pretty lazy at work. I do enough to get by, and occassionally go the extra mile, but I've really not been a hard or dedicated worker. And I feel like I can testify all I want about the love of Jesus Christ but if I'm lazy or unmotivated that's not a good reflection of who Christ is. Not at all. And isn't the point to be Christ-like? So I've been working really hard at work, and doing things that are not necessarily in my job description. And last week I showed up for the first week of School of Leaders Level 3, and our topic for the next ten weeks is "The Way of Excellence." I definitely don't think that's a coincidence.
Today, this woman came in to pay her bill and she had some questions about her phone. We started talking about church, and she told me she went to the gathering, but she used to go to the fathers house. she ended up telling me about how her marriage is failing, and she is just scraping by. She has two beautiful kids, but her husband is an unbeliever--they aren't even living in the same state right now. She's kind of at her wit's end about how to handle everything, but she is desperate to save her marriage. I asked her if she had ever read The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. She said she hadn't, but it was strange I asked that because someone else had recommended the book to her about a week ago, and she couldn't remember the name of it. I actually had my copy in the car, so I went outside and got it to give to her. That book is so great, and I know it will do wonders for her. I was supposed to let Joyce borrow it, but I have no doubt I've forgotten to give it to her for a reason. There was a much better use for the book, I'd say.
My sister got this awesome mouthwash...it's something new, by Crest. It hardly burns your mouth, but it lets you know where the plaque is. It's blue, and after you swish it around it breaks up any plaque on your teeth and turns it all blue. So any plaque that's left in your mouth is bright blue and easy to see so you can get rid of it! And after you spit the first time, there is almost always yucky blue plaque that comes out, even after you brush your teeth. The only down side to the stuff is that even though it doesn't burn, it destroys your taste buds for several hours.
Last Saturday, Mal, Alicia and I went to dinner at Outback. Then we met up with Ashley Spurr, Jaybo, Brenda and Brandon Patterson, Brandon and Tiffany Sharp and Chris F to go to a haunted corn maze. So we drove all the way out to the maze, and they told us that they had been sold out for over 3 hours and there was a five hour wait. So we had to turn around and go back. Instead, we went to Gatlinburg and did a couple of haunted houses, then went to TGI Fridays to chill. We all had a really great time, and I really really enjoyed getting to hang out with everyone. I wish I could express to each of those people how great I really think they are, and how much they mean to me, as little time as I do get to spend with some of them. I have been so blessed with wonderful people to have as friends and accountability partners. Do you ever feel just overwhelmed with love? Not for anything in particular, just for people and life. Sometimes I do, and I feel as though I'll burst if I can't get it out somehow. At the risk of sounding cheesy, life is good. I mean really, really good. I love my family, my friends, my job, my church, everything. I feel completely content with and grateful for what God has given to me. I'm not worried about the future, about the stock market or the next presidential election; I'm not worried about the price of gas or state taxes or global warming. I know that God has this magnificent plan, and he longs to bless me the whole way through. I just hope I can be a blessing to others, too. I kind of had this mini-revelation yesterday. If someone were holding a gun to your head and said, "I'm going to ask you if you believe in God and his son, Jesus. If you say no, you will live. But if you say yes, you will die. Do you believe?" what would you say? Would you die for Christ?
Then why won't you live for Him?
You see, God doesn't want us to die for him--he wants only for us to live for him! It's something to think about...
Posted at 07:38 pm by Of the Flock
Thursday, October 13, 2005
So it's been a good couple of days for me! First, I was off on monday and I drove out to the mall. My contacts only cost me $58--which is great considering I was in contacts that used to cost $229. Also, a few weeks ago I tried on a dress at Dillards that I loved. It was $60 but I decided not to get it because I had already bought a lot of stuff. Well I decided to see if it was on sale yet--and lo and behold--75% off with an additional 40% off of that! I got the dress, and another I liked, for 8 bucks apeice! Then I got my shampoo and conditioner (Matrix Sleek Look) buy two, get one free. So I got two shampoos, because I go thru shampoo really fast. I also got 2 new movies--Almost Famous and Vanilla Sky. Best Buy had them on sale :). After that, I get home and my new playstation, DDR Konamix game and 2 DDR pads had arrived! I was so stoked, I couldn't wait to play. I took them over to mal's to play with her but we couldn't get them hooked up properly. She has too many chords and cables hooked up to her TV.
Last sunday, Pastor Rod and Mary (the Ragin' Cajuns) were visiting from Baton Rouge. There was another couple with them, pastors of some sort, that lost everything in Hurricane Katrina. After service, the man came up to me and said, "I was watching you earlier, and the Lord spoke to me about you. He said that you went through a very hard time when you were sixteen. You were lost and afraid. But God wanted me to tell you that he was with you the whole time. He never left you." He said some other stuff, but I can't remember all of it. I just started crying because I did go through a very hard time when I was sixteen--I mean, what sixteen year old doesnt--but that's when I became very very depressed. People don't understand that depression is so much more than being sad. It's anxiety, fear, uncontrollable anger. I withdrew from my friends, I quit cheerleading, I quit tennis. I didn't know what I believed about anything--God, life, friends, relationships--especially God. And all sunday morning I was thinking about how I wanted to get off of my anti-depressants, and how I had been putting it off because I was scared of being without them--the withdrawl effects are awful, and what if I reverted back after I stopped taking the medication? I had been thinking this stuff all morning, and then that man came up and told me that. It really just reaffirmed that I don't have to be afraid, and I am going to come off these pills without any side effects or withdrawl, and I will continue to be joyous, not because of a selective serotonin/nonepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, but because God has given me peace, and the joy of the Lord will be my strength!
Posted at 05:28 am by Of the Flock
My name is Jonas...but you can call me Amanda. To know me, you must know my Lord and Savior--the Alpha and Omega, my beginning and my end. I enjoy music, movies, and reading books.Fav. Books:Mere Christianity
- C.S. LewisBefore Women had Wings
- Connie May FowlerAnthem
- Ayn RandPilgrim at Tinker Creek
- Annie DillardSiddhartha
- Hermann HesseLes Miserables
- Victor HugoI Am the Cheese
- Robert CormierFav. Movies:
Donnie Darko, Almost Famous, The Graduate, Mansfield Park, Roman Holiday, Requiem for a Dream, Pi, LOTR, Snatch, Wet Hot American Summer, Blow, Napoleon Dynamite, Dead Poets Society, Crouching Tiger Hidden DragonFav. Bands/Artists:
Thrice, Radiohead, Co & Ca, Saves the Day, Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, The Doors, 238, Modest Mouse, Elefant, Against Me!, The Stills, Calla, The Killers, The Veils, Communique, Mellowdrone, Jay-Z, Luna Halo, Waterdeep, =w=, Matt Pond PA, Deathcab for Cutie, A Static Lullaby, David Bowie, Fairweather, Keith Green, Third Day